Hell is already here...

Here I am, six feet under the ground... Well, maybe it's much more deeper than that... For I had been trying hard to crawl back to the surface for more than 3 years now... after being laid under the ground by the evilness of this world... I had somewhat been thinking while lying here... What if I am only dreaming now? And all this is nothing but just an illusions...

Somehow, my dark heart still beats slowly and keeping me alive. And from where I was laid... that, from time to time, I could hear voices and the scenery would be shown in front of me... this is all but an illusion too, but to vivid for it to be unreal... As if somehow I was already back on the surface I once knew... But this can't be real, for humans doesn't seems to act like one... So, I must still be dreaming and still trapped under...

I tried to search for those which are somehow been engraved to the very farthest corner of my mind now... and also the places which I am most familiar with...

So, where would they be now?

I tried looking at all known places I could think of, but it's strange to be this place now. Somethings have changed but somehow it still had the same appearance. It's a gloomy dark places to been in, even at noon time and everything is bright. It's clean but some foul odor is emitting somewhere and being carried by the wind... Flowers are too perfect, like it's artificially made out of plastic but not. If it's real then how come there's no smell coming out of them?... And the habitants are somewhat a bit too odd... Everyone seems to act... well... too perfect in every movement they make and the way they talk... I say, everyone seems to be acting way too human to be one... and the faces doesn't seems to have any other expressions but only the one you would see in them... I tried conversing to some of them, but somehow it makes no sense of the words that would come out of their mouth...

No sense at all, as if all had a tongue of a holy being... others preached but somehow they are only preaching themselves with the words they speak... And words would come out but their own words doesn't reach there own ears... I laughed so hard for it's somewhat really funny to see them, acting so wise but too dumb to understand their own words... I feel... I could really die now...

Maybe, I shouldn't think of dying that time... For I am now back again to where I started, under the ground... silence once again engulfed me... maybe I should just try to crawl some more...

Seems like I'm making no progress here... like I'm still at the same exact spot where I started crawling... but maybe not... And very soon I will rise again and stand my ground, before the sleeping lake of fire once again take over and reign this world... to see this world one last time with my very own eyes, to my own liking like before. But leaving everything behind me now and creating a new beautiful scenes for my last stage.

So, don't die before me. After all, you got nowhere to go, for this world is the very hell itself that you have made me accustomed to. Will you be able to adopt to this? I doubt you will...

私は私の墓にあなたを呼びます。

終わり。

I smell bad...

Asking a lot of questions, which most of the time the answers are already in your face. Though you always know that it is already there, you still ask this question. Why? 'cause you never bother to understand what is already shown in your face. Why do you ask such question, when you wouldn't understand even when I already answered this question time and time again Or doesn't even have the idea of what is being shown to you? I think we can understand each other if we are on the same league.

Maybe you are on a higher league than I am. But I don't care about your league 'cause it's where you belong. And I belong on my own. You ask me who am I?, Do you think that would help you understand who I really am? I have much better things to say though I wouldn't bother to say these things for you wouldn't understand what I am about to say.

And now, I'm just going in circle again with what I am saying here... ^_^

Anyway...

Maybe you think that you know such things about my league, but in reality it's somewhat complicated. It never is, just like life is. Or this world and its habitant. To be humble and you'll be belittled by most, to say a bit more and you'll be seen as an arrogant being. You'll never know where to place yourself in this fucked up world...

How do you see humans with your own eyes? I bet, you think that you are always much better than the rest, now I say that you are beginning to be a real human being by that attitude. You think you are better at judging other beings than the rest, and so am I? Everyone is... It is in our nature to be like that.

We are all animals trying to survive in this world... though we wouldn't like to be called that or in that category and doesn't like the idea that most of the time we are much more worst than the other animals. Most of the time we stink really bad but doesn't really knows it or are really not bothered by the smell 'cause you are already used to that odor that you have? ^_^;

I think, uhm... what is that smell? woah! I think I better head to the showers now! ^_^;