A Vampire In Every One Of Us

From Lilith to Vlad Tepes and even Judas Iscariot from the 12 Apostles to Jack the Ripper… We search for something that is so called a vampire, we wanted to find out whether they really do exist or not, and I say… Vampires do exist… Just look in the mirror, can you really see yourself in there?

We are the vampires; every one of us is… since the very beginning… We feed on each other, we haunted each other down, stalking and killing each other… Letting no one knows of what we do as possibly as we can for others might hunt us down first before we can get to them. It’s in the human nature to get even really… ^_^;

Living in a perfect harmony with destructive mind among ourselves… And from time… We learned to create our own monster with ease but eventually… You would usually just like to laugh, insult and look down on your creation, carelessly and without affection you had led that monster to destroy itself for the meaning of existence is nonsense… And if you’re lucky enough not to be destroyed by your creation… Well, you can just create another monster, right? Hmm… let’s see… that one… looks really kind of stupid… we can make a new monster out of that one… call on the others to make witness to this new creation…

Looking distortedly at history to hide what we truly are or even hiding what our true history really is… and what we are back then… and what we humans are now… Are really all the same… Then and now… nothings changing really… except the scenery of course…and maybe the law… if there is really one…

We like to feed ourselves from others… Not with blood but with money… Even exchanging our freedom and abandoning or going against everything that are precious to us like family, friends etc… sometimes we even forget what true emotions are… What you have now is nothing but a mask and underneath that is nothing more but a decaying corpse… You, yourself are already dead amongst the living, yes… Breathing but are you really sure you are still alive? Do you still feel anything? Do you still remember us after accomplish the things you dream of? It only seems to be that you remember all of us but it is not… You are not that same person anymore but something else though you try to hide it from everyone else… Looking in your eyes, I see nothing but a clouded image… It seems that you try to control this new found strength you got right now from drinking into others and lingering in their company but as each passing days, you are growing weaker, in mind and everything else, including your reasoning… And you only think you are gaining something but in reality… You are loosing everything… You are nothing but a puppet of your own dream after you made it come to reality… You can’t even control your new found strength and are blinded by your new found light… Though you always see a light in your eyes, it is not the light of the sun that is shining but something else… Feeding yourself too much is not good for your health ^_^;

We also like to feed ourselves from the emotions of others… We don’t like to be alone in our misery… As that would be very lonely… So, instead… We feed on others emotions as well… We like others to be in the same state as ours… To be weak and miserable also… Why should you be happy when you can be miserable like everyone else… That would be so unfair, don’t you think? So, we drag everyone else down … We give and take… We share… Now, aren’t we becoming a real human because of this? But I think you’re a usurper… ^_^;

Well, what about a coffin? Hmm… I think this closet will do… Oopss… Wrong closet… as there’s someone skeleton here… Hey! Is this your skeleton? :P

Lots more but I’m beginning to be lazy once again, I might still edit this… *yawn*

A Dream Of Two Old Sisters...

As I lay under this big shaded tree near the road leading to darkness I fell asleep and dream…

In my dream there are these mischievous souls of two old sisters, small they may seems to be but their powers are beyond any human being could endure… One of them could speak with lightning bolt coming out of her mouth … that, if you are not aware of… well, could hurt you really bad if you don't know how to dodge it. And her eyes… the most grotesque you could see, she likes to look at everyone behind their back and her eyes would almost come out of their sockets, then it would return to normal in time when someone looks behind their back… one the scariest moment of my dream is to witness her doing that to some human…She also had a young host, yes… it's a small young host that she commanded to poke her nose at everyone's mind and tell her what she finds out about. This host are a bit stupid at times and could easily be tricked… And she could also trick her master so easily; I don't know which one of the other had a better brain… I find them both stupid and annoying!

So, I turn my attention to this other sister… ah' a very prayful soul, always praying when she had nothing to do and all alone… but beware this one had master the arts of deceiving… yes, she could deceive almost anyone… she loves telling stories that are so tall that every time she speak you'd either submit yourself or kill yourself… well that is if you already know the stories but if you haven't… oh' well… to bad for you then, 'cause you'll be deceived so easily… and she can take advantage of that to corrupt your mind… and use you to kill someone from your mind…

These two sisters also had the power to speak among themselves without anybody near them to hear what they are talking about but they are kind of both really stupid most of the time, that some of the people could hear them really well… and when they noticed that they've been heard, they would suddenly speak in normal, dance, do cartwheel or immediately do something else like they are not talking to each other… something like that…

These two sisters could turn from a total mischievous soul to a totally stupid looking tame cat in an instant once they see their brother who, once in a while would visit them to where they dwell… their looks seems that they could not break a single thing or harm a human being and are really, really quiet and friendly, like they are really that close to each other and likes human being so very much… ooohhh! And their smiles… their smiles reached both ears that it seems like their mouth could have a tear any moment… maybe because they get their rewards and all the things they needed from that big brother of them…

As I try to observed them more… A sudden flash of lights attracted my attention and tries to find where it's coming from… and as I saw the light… I'm back to reality and under this nice big tree… Oh' well… better start walking again… ^_^;

If Only I Could...

I would love to grab you by your neck and choke you to death
Your tongue is sharp like a newly crafted knife
Yet your mind is dull as a stoned used for a knife by the cave man
in the past…That can ripped out flesh, even the thickest of them all…

It is clear, as daylight can be and I can't see any fog around…
Yet your vision seems to be clouded…

Yet, you amused me though…
As if you had a clear picture of everything…
Yet you stumbled when you walk…

So leave me be to my own little dark world…
Darkness it is but much clearer than your world is now…

No wearing of a beautiful mask like in your world is…
Everything is real unlike your beautiful world is…

You're beautiful, like a perfect apple…
With a worm on the inside…
I don't want an apple with a worm
And so I'll just throw it away

To the river you would flow
To where it may lead you, I don't really care…
I just like to watch an apple as it floats away…
And so I say goodbye to you …

I've met this Lady and she… well, let's just say that she had given me quite an inspiration to write this one though we just had a few conversation …

She's not that bad, I think… she's so cold err… I mean cool but a bit sharp at times though she does not have any fangs ^_^; (I think she's annoyed LOL) but who am I to judge? I'm no GOD and don't intend to be one… I'll be much more bored and much more lazy than what I am now if I am to be a GOD now ^_^; anyway, this is nothing more but an idea and bit of what I've felt but nothing against her as I've said, this is just an inspiration from her and I had to thank her though but I'm scared of her now LOL ^_^;… I need to edit this more but I'll leave it for now… and who would be reading this anyway? Boring people like me? ^_^;

Dreaming My Life Away...

Sometimes my mind is much in a weaker state that I'm about ready to give out my life and rather leave this miserable life I am living in right now…how could they understand me when they don't really know me even if we are related in blood, all they could think of is themselves, truly selfish… all of them! Why waste my breath and strength on people who are deaf and blind except to things they wanted for their own… I'm losing blood in silence each passing day that I feel so tired and weak that I am unable to eat normally… making me dizzy and vulnerable to sickness as my immune to these disease are weakening, I demand to be rid of this shell that I am in right now so as to be at somewhere else if there is one…

This place or this world should I say, is a one big masquerade party where everyone is wearing a mask, hiding their true faces from everyone else. Only a few really shows their true face and most who doesn't enjoy this party at all, but the rest are really into it and couldn't really live their lives without this grand party of all… I've outlived most of my family member and thinking about it makes me really sad and want to cry most of the time when it comes to my mind, not that I couldn't see them, talk to them, or touch them anymore but sad that I am still breathing, how I envy them being dead to the world… I've said to myself that I'll only lived for 27 years, and damn it for my calculations are wrong… I've wanted death for a really long time, natural death that is, be it by too much drinking or too much smoking, and by the way… it's quite normal for our family member to die by that 'cause, usually it's the male side but I think the female side are catching up in my generations and the next ^_^; so, I'll be much much more happier to die by that cause but instead it somewhat evaded me and others got to die when they really are not into it… why is it like that?

Ah' such is the life of this world. Don't mistake me for others who doesn't live their life to the fullest… man, I've lived my life and enjoying it more than anyone else… its just that… I think I've done it all *scratch head* way to fast that most humans ^_^; and most really at the same time… but I kind of always wanted that since I was a err… whatever… I'd better start walking again to this so-called road to darkness… I've wasted enough time writing this one… I might fall asleep again ^_^;

I've Come To A Strange Place...

I've come to this strange place… familiar yet it is not… The sun shines brightly during the day yet it is dark that almost everyone can't see in it, The night is so dark in here that you have to crawl like a blind man to move around, yet to them it is like daylight… knowing and seeing everything…

Speak or shout louder for that is how they communicate with each other for they are like deaf… but in whisper they would talk normally… the real world is like a nightmare and the nightmare is the real world… you'd rather not be awaken for you'll be living like hell once again… sometimes I would believe that I am in hell already, if there is one… tormenting, slowly killing you from within… they are like a vampire that visit you every night while in your sleep and slowly draining you of your life energy with each visit… if this keeps on happening, then I'm afraid I would not last long enough to find out what I seek in this road to darkness… must escape this place as soon as possible…

But I must first sleep now, thinking and writing about this one makes me so tired and sleepy once again ^_^;

Come Play With Me For Awhile...

Come play with me for awhile…
Meet my demons and angels

In war with each other for eternity…
Or maybe as long as I breathe...
they will be…

In harmony they existed within me…
Torturing me endlessly…
Whispering and whispering…
Till I would hear one of them…
Then they would stop…
For a moment…

Who would I hear now then?
Who would win this time?

Come play with me for awhile…
Bring your demons and angels too…

And so, as I watched this man standing in this big carved stone which seems like an altar and he's facing that ocean… repeating those words over and over again… I couldn't help myself but ask him what he is doing? He looked at me and smiled… and said "ah' just keep quiet and watched this…" then he continued with what he is doing…

This goes on for quite sometime… as I was beginning to get bored and thinking of walking away… suddenly he stopped, I've felt a sudden change from his presence. Then slowly, he turned around and stared at me… his face seems to have changed… there's something within him now, that I am sure… something inside controlling this body now… "So, the demon wins after all…" this I said to myself… and he smiled at me as if he had heard me… spreading his arm wide and floating now to be near me… with all my guts… I stand and run away from him…

Never looking back and running as fast as I could. But still… I couldn't get far away from him and I feel that he is just behind me all the time… almost able to grab me if he wished to do so… but he seems to be playing with me… letting me run and run till I came across this church… and within this church, there are two nuns… as I saw them, I shouted for help… and as I came running near at them, catching my breath really hard… looking up at them… I saw their faces and smiling at me… one of them asked, "what's the matter?" and both of them suddenly grabbed me by my shoulder but I was able to set myself free from their hands… they are not nuns after all… as I turned and ran for the door that leads outside this church, a priest suddenly came in praying… and I shouted for help again… but his presence suddenly change, he's the one who's after me in the first place… and he laughed and laughed so hard that it echoed inside the church, making me closed my ears with my hands as it hurts so much… "Let me whisper something to you… would you hear my voice?" he said.

And so, I ask this now… would you play with me for a while? ^_^;
But… I'm somewhat sleepy right now. So, maybe next time…

Walking On This Road...

For what you know... I might only be playing tricks on you as you have only seen the surface of what I've made known to you... for you do not know or really understand what's on my mind when I showed you these things...

So, judge me not for I might be more evil than you could ever be... discovering something in the forgotten past of truth as some might have called it... is only a fragment of what makes me descend even more into this road to darkness that I am traveling now...

Believe in what you believed and I shall do the same but do not force me to be like you for I have my own mind to decide to what I should believed in. I don't need some company or advise to take along to whatever path I choose to walk as you or that might only be a hindrance in the end... do not be fooled by the simplicity of my appearance for I might be more striking or more revolting than you could ever laid eyes upon on your entire existence to this so called world... I could be any of that If I wanted to or both at the same time...

Hmm… this road is quite rough and uneven, makes me easily exhausted and sleepy… oh well, I'll just rest for now… ^_^;

What My Eyes Feeds Me...

I've fallen hard to the ground from the clouds high above… stripped out of my power and with broken wings I've come to this world… no memories or recollection of who I am or what I am, or even where I've originally came from… as I opened my eyes for the first time in this world and see those two faces of whom I don't even know, as the days would pass only to know they would be the one I would call my mother and father… years would pass and they would be my so called teacher to this world I've come to love and hate… knowing what's wrong and what's right in this crazy world, yet in the end I would be the one to decide for myself…I would have my own beliefs and I myself would find the truth in what I believed in…

Climbing high above this mountain where anyone would feel as if they are on top of everything else, I'd sit and watched silently the world below, away from everyone… I would see chaos and beauty, happiness and sadness, war and peace, how the light and darkness would divide the land… seeing what the people do in this world and their everyday life… and from time to time I would find myself laughing even though I am alone… these people are interesting and funny, yet most of the times I would find them very irritating… and the others? Hmm… boring as a puppet. Humans! They all think they are always on top of everything, the truth, the godly, the supreme, the righteous, the most beautiful and intelligent of all… yet when no one sees them and think they are all alone they would do the opposite of what their mask is showing to everyone, and revealing their true features… and they seems to be attracted to this darkness, and liked to be in the dark most of the time… hmm…and in that, I'm somewhat been drawn to this darkness… finding it quite… interesting…

Well, I'd just sleep for now… whoa! Why are you reading this? ^_^;

I Live My Own Life

When people grow old err… I don't know if everyone is experiencing this? :P, anyway… to continue. Ha' and I was just at the beginning of my life story ^_^; the earlier days of my life on this world, even though I don't think about it… It comes to my mind more often nowadays… I think it only happens to people who are about to depart to this world, right? Err… Maybe I am about to, soon or I'm just really being lazy nowadays ^_^; Or maybe 'cause I usually see my old music/records collection. Letting me reminds the old times where I would usually wear black and do some crazy stuffed... ^_^;

Nowadays, I almost don't have any black clothes collection 'cause at one time, this maid of ours… Before she left the house while everyone was away, took almost all my clothes from the closet I used to wear and collect (especially some of my favorite shirt grrrrrr!)… Cursed her wherever she may be, good thing she didn't take my underwear's... ^_^; Because of that incident, I lost interest, now… More things from the past are coming to my mind while I'm writing this one…

Maybe this isn't really a good idea… anyway, I think music is really into my blood for my father used to sing at some band during his teenage/single days, uhm… I really think that my father had a very different definition about that "single" word ^_^; and most of our family/relatives are a member of church choir ^_^ nice, right? Even now… Some of my aunt used to sing and gets called a lot at services, one of the reason I hate answering phone calls to where I am right now is that I already knew who the call is for, and its' not for me… uhm… Most of the time it's for my aunts, asking them and their choir to sing somewhere… their singing is really in demand here at the province, I think they sing for the dead ^_^; man, I forgot what's that service is called hehehe… LOL :P uhm…

Let's forget about me mentioning about that blood thing running through my veins, to continue... I grew up not at my father's house err. But at one of her sister who lived in the city, who had a daughter and we would usually play together whenever they would visit the house when I was really young, and they've kind of decided to take me along and lived with them, so her daughter would have a playmate… Do I look like a doll or something? ^_^; Well, In other words… They've kind of adopted me and my aunt somewhat became my mother (still is, and the only one I've come to know and respect) I lived and study there… Man, how proud they are of me during my primary days at schools… I was always at the top 10 in the class back then… I even got a bronze medal for joining the drawing competition… uhm… I think that was in 4th grade, yes… I got a medal for being a third placer… out of some err… 3 contestant who joined that drawing contest… And me being one of them heeheee…. ^_^; And during my 6th grade, I also joined the singing competition in school… Yup, the blood in me boiled once again… But this time I didn't get a medal, or even the first round… There where more than 3 contestant who joined that contest… it was really tough for me that time ^_^; After that?… I kind of just concentrated at just being a member of the school basketball varsity team… And graduated from grade school and went to high school… Just being contented at playing basketball…

I'm still doing good in school during the first year but I by then, also learned how to drink beers and anything alcoholic and smoke a cigarettes, this was my cousin fault during the time where he stayed in the house transferring to a university and still looking for some place, he left his cigarette at my room…Making me curious about that one, so I kind of stole one from his pack and went at the back of the house, and after that I went to the store and bought a pack myself, man… How I tremble with fear and very much nervous, and sweaty buying my first pack of cigar hehehehe… well, I get to taste a beer when I was still 5-6years old, damn cousin of mine who I think was my father then 'cause my father as I've said earlier was somewhat busy with some things like being in a band playing somewhere and making me a sister(again) ^_^; not sure about what he's doing then as I was still a child but I was sure of the sister thing LOL ^_^; well, I'm a bit happy about that but I'll be much happier if my sister would be half Japanese ^_^; But that's ok, though a Japanese sister would be nice, err… But I think she's made in Japan(just kidding) hehehe… Both of us the youngest… err.. I think… uhm… not too sure (again) about that though LOL :P good thing I'm on a different account here, except for some… none really knew I had an account here. I love blogger.com!

Anyway... To continue, I began to drink regularly, almost every night… Going home for just a couple of hours sleep (1-2hrs) and waking up just in time to go to school at 7am… My grades begins to drop and my spot at being a top 10 in class declined during my 1st year, though I'm still in, I just kind of hang from the top 10 with some other 2 classmates, me hanging on their feet till my name vanished from the list… And somewhat, I've lost interest on almost anything about school… I'm cutting classes more and more each school year, by the 3rd year I'm totally not into school anymore… I would usually go to school at 6:30am, 'cause at that time you where still allowed to go out of the campus, and my mom would walk me till I get inside the gates ^_^; I had to really wake up and go to school much earlier, and after she left I would also leave the school… Leaving my bag in the classroom or the guards wouldn't let me out… So, my bag is always present at school but not the owner… And my classmates would wonder where I am and would look and look for me, they would be going and looking to some higher seniors classroom 'cause most of time I hang in there 'cause of my friends and… What about my bag? Usually I would talk to some of my friends from the village to bring my bag home after school but most of the time it's my annoying female classmates who would do that and wouldn't hand the bag over to my friend… 2 or 3 of them at times, they would be at the front gate of our house with my bag…

But during the weekends it's my professor and advisor who would be at my front gate looking for my mom and me 'cause they haven't seen or heard from me in school… For ages… And exams would be near ^_^; uhm… I usually take special exams, err… 'Cause I kind of missed it… Intentionally! ^_^; And they would let me take it to some library where I would be alone so nobody would help me from my classmates, and usually this watcher of mine would leave me 'cause it takes me forever to finish all the exam ^_^; It's the library... Lot's of books, or if not in the library, some of my professor would let me sit at the back of his class so he/she could personally watch me taking his exam… But I almost knew everyone from whatever class especially from my batch ^_^; I don't linger much from the crowd and likes to be silent and alone in my chair during class and talking to no one but that doesn't mean I don't have that many friends, usually I'm just bored or sleepy that's why I'm like that.

Then, at the end of my 3rd year in high school, one time at this canteen where my friends and I used to hang out when we cut a class (almost all the time), I've found and read this music magazine featuring the Guns n' Roses with their album Use Your Illusion I and II, it somewhat piqued my interest and so the next time my cousin and I went to the mall, I visited the record bar and bought the 2 album and listened to it at home… With that I began to have interest in playing the guitar and letting me stay for a total of 7years into high school before I was finally able to graduate ^_^; Secondary level here in the Philippines are only 4 years (usually) so I get some extra 3 years ^_^; … Anyway, since having a piano lessons during my younger days (I kind of hate it back then, and would usually fall asleep waiting for my turn), shifting my musical knowledge from the piano to guitar was somewhat smooth. But that's another story…

I got the title of this from one of the songs of "Dreamaker" album "Enclosed". Check it!!! ^_^;