Dreaming My Life Away...

Sometimes my mind is much in a weaker state that I'm about ready to give out my life and rather leave this miserable life I am living in right now…how could they understand me when they don't really know me even if we are related in blood, all they could think of is themselves, truly selfish… all of them! Why waste my breath and strength on people who are deaf and blind except to things they wanted for their own… I'm losing blood in silence each passing day that I feel so tired and weak that I am unable to eat normally… making me dizzy and vulnerable to sickness as my immune to these disease are weakening, I demand to be rid of this shell that I am in right now so as to be at somewhere else if there is one…

This place or this world should I say, is a one big masquerade party where everyone is wearing a mask, hiding their true faces from everyone else. Only a few really shows their true face and most who doesn't enjoy this party at all, but the rest are really into it and couldn't really live their lives without this grand party of all… I've outlived most of my family member and thinking about it makes me really sad and want to cry most of the time when it comes to my mind, not that I couldn't see them, talk to them, or touch them anymore but sad that I am still breathing, how I envy them being dead to the world… I've said to myself that I'll only lived for 27 years, and damn it for my calculations are wrong… I've wanted death for a really long time, natural death that is, be it by too much drinking or too much smoking, and by the way… it's quite normal for our family member to die by that 'cause, usually it's the male side but I think the female side are catching up in my generations and the next ^_^; so, I'll be much much more happier to die by that cause but instead it somewhat evaded me and others got to die when they really are not into it… why is it like that?

Ah' such is the life of this world. Don't mistake me for others who doesn't live their life to the fullest… man, I've lived my life and enjoying it more than anyone else… its just that… I think I've done it all *scratch head* way to fast that most humans ^_^; and most really at the same time… but I kind of always wanted that since I was a err… whatever… I'd better start walking again to this so-called road to darkness… I've wasted enough time writing this one… I might fall asleep again ^_^;